Hi! ROY! You’ve actually accessed Website Number 11. Next time, get Jennifer to help you send your e-mail messages, and they will come straight through to Control!! In fact, your letter contained so many interesting points that in framing a reply Your Leader can – in effect –draft his weekly message to the nation.

Let’s take your points in turn.

It’s true, Roy, that, by the time you were uncorking the third bottle of Chateau Talbot (and Cherie and the Leader were drinking Evan!!) you began talking about having no particularly strong party allegiance. You cited Gladstone as a man who had started as a Tory and ended up as a most Wadical Liberal. Churchill had done the opposite. It’s also true that you said that you would make and excellent Foweign Secwetary, bwinging the weight of experience to the Cabinet when the leader took power. But, you know, Roy, not a word passed the Leader’s lips when you made that speech. Absolutely no promises were made.

3^rd You salute the Leader’s Democwatic Bweadth of Vision. Many party leaders you say, having won an election victory on the scale of May 1^st would be more than happy with the first past the post system. You ask Your Leader to explain his pwodigious magnanimity.

Fine. Thanks Roy. As you know, Your Leader’s a pretty straight guy. He is the People’s leader. Frankly, the old Left-Right political divide doesn’t interest him. As much as possible, since May 1^st , he has by-passed the Labour Party. By-passed Parliament.

He’s stamped New Britain with his own image. Fresh. Modern. Clean. He kinda likes the idea that he’s the last, the very last, guy in history who could be described as the outright winner in a general election.. After two, maybe three five-year terms a Leader, he’d like to maybe step down. Perhaps become president – who knows? But after him, there would be no outright leaders. Every general election would be fudge. A compromise. Smaller men. Men lie Paddy, poor little William. They’d come to deals with whoever took over the leadership of the New Party. One things for certain. Gordon would never be able to take over as Leader!!

The historians would look at Britain, and say: "Look." They’d say: ‘Tony was the last, the very last, Leader in British history who held office without having to come to a deal with some other party. Tony was the last true leader, before Britain became the land of Coalitions, like Italy or Belgium.

Mind you. Neither you or Your Leader would knock Belgium, Roy. Many a time you have told us of the excellent restaurants in Brussels enjoyed during your time as European Commisioner. Tony, Cherie, and the kids have enjoyed some really fantastic holidays in Geoffrey Robinson’s Tuscan villa. Paid for, fair and square by the trust set up by his friend Mme Bourgeois. A keen member of the Belgian Resistance to paying taxes.

Gordon made it clear before the election: " A Labour Chancellor will not permit tax relief’s to millionaires in offshore tax havens"

Gordon’s been a bit of a killjoy frankly. So, OK, the kids make a bit of noise kicking a ball about in the gardens of Number 10. This week, he rang his Leader on his mobile, and said in that dry Edinburgh voice: " Could you keep he noise down? Some of us are trying to work out some figures on a mini-Budget!" …But his voice was drowned by Euan shouting "Dad! You should have saved that one!" and an explosion of glass as the leather pounded through Norma major’s Wictorian style conservatory extension.