Further news from the A.N. Wilson column in The Daily Telegraph

Hi Lillibet! More friendly, I think, don’t you, than "Ma’am"? I notice at our meetings that you always call me "Mr. Blair", but there’s no need to stand on ceremony with me. It was great, incidentally, during our last meeting, to get off the subject of Mrs. Parker Bowles, and to discuss cybernetics! It was fascinating to learn that you and Phillip spend several hours each day "surfing the Net". During the summer when we are away from London, it will be an invaluable way of keeping in touch.

Look, Lillibet, I won’t beat about the bush. I am frankly very disappointed by what I am told about your response to a new Welsh Assembly. When Peter came over to Buckingham Palace to take a rain-check on your 1999 calendar, he expected it to be a mere formality that you would open the blasted thing! He did not expect a whole shopping-list of your "grievances", ranging from our failure to bring President Clinton over to tea with you, to our friendship with Diana.

Wile we are on the subject of Peter’s visit, Lil, he felt hurt by the "icy" (his word) reception he felt you gave him on a personal level. You apparently said that all previous Prime Ministers had turned up for their weekly briefing session. You did not remember, you said, Winston sending his Minister without Portfolio.

Just possibly, Lil, Winston did not work to my punishing schedule. On the day in question I’d had a working breakfast with a group called Merchant bankers for Jesus; then a mid-morning appearance on the Jimmy Young Show; a sandwich-and-lemonade brainstorming session on the constitution with Ben Pimlott, Carla Powell and David Mellor, then, the first Lib Dem. Focus Group, and a House of Commons Prayer Group. By the time I got back to No 11, it was time for that special hour reserved for football practice with Euan and Nicky. I thought that you, as a parent, would understand my not wishing to miss this; but perhaps Diana is right and your parenting skills leave something to be desired.

Anyway, as Peter explained, he and I think as one about constitutional issues and there is really no need for you to bother me every single week of the year, particularly now you have mastered e-mail. He told me your views. You apparently think that a Welsh Assembly would be little more than a "glorified county council".

Naturally, when I heard you were making unnecessary difficulties. I gave hell to Charles. After all he is the Prince of Wales! I have to say that his response was word for word the same as the one you gave to Peter. He has "reservations about a Welsh Assembly" and " it would be only distributing money allocated for you by the Treasury".

Peter said he thought he was the one who wrote scripts for Cabinet Ministers to read out at press conferences, and he wondered who had written the script for you. He detected a three-line Royal Whip on this one! Diana came over to Chequers last weekend with your grandchildren. Euan and Nicky got on well with Harry and Wills, incidentally, though you could give Harry more footer training. She said the nub of the difficulty is Ron Davies. She says Charles can’t forgive Ron for calling him a sadist who kills wild animals for pleasure, as well as being a lunatic who talks to his tomatoes.

Well, look Lil. I’m afraid I’m going to have to talk tough here. Either you and Charles change your mind about opening that Welsh Assembly or we start looking round for someone else to do it. There is overwhelming supporting the Welsh Gay Lobby to abolish the Prince of Wales and make Diana Queen of the Principality. Meanwhile, a friend of mine in the prayer group is asking Sir Harry Secombe to check his 1999 diary.

It’s better to be frank, Lil. The only blight in my first 100 days as Leader has been the sense that you’ve not been giving the Government your full support. Lady Thatcher has given me more support than you have. I’ve asked Margaret about this and she says: "Oh, the Queen knows Prime Ministers are expendable. She’s seen them come, and she’s seen them go." Well all I’m saying is that she is a kinder person than I am. You’ve seen this Leader come. You haven’t seen him go. And, as Rupert has often told me, there is a strong body of support in this country for a republic. Think about it.