You remember when your parents came to fetch you from the Young Crusaders Barn Dance and your Dad was still wearing his office clothes? Embarrassing or what? But this was no barn dance. This was the Wild West for real. You know the old Westerns how the sleepy little one horse town is in the grip of the bad Guys? And then, one day, a brave lone figure rides into town, with his check shirt, his blue jeans, and his wide smile, and tells them. You know, it doesn’t have to be like that! I’m going to clean this place up! That’s what Our Leader did in Denver. He started back in the Old Country by cleaning up the Old Party. Then he took the country by storm, winning the biggest election victory in the history of the human race. Next, it was Europe’s turn to find out who was boss. Enough for you? For most political leaders that would be enough for a lifetime though Our Leader accomplished all those things in just five short weeks. But Our Leader thinks it’s not enough to do dominate the Earth’s surface, important as that is. What about those greenhouse gases? It’s all very well to blast the Tory party to extinction, to destroy the grip of Trade Union Power, and to eliminate, once and for all, and no messing, handguns and alcopops. But what about our kids in the year 2010? By then Our Leader will have been in control for just 13 short years. By then, all the other world leaders will be yesterday’s men. But Our Leader thinks that he and our kids would like a bit of fresh air to breathe, thank you very much! That’s why he talked tough to Japan, Canada, and the United States. Just as he had done to the Old Party back home, he gave them some firm targets that must, repeat must, be met. He wants no more emissions. Greenhouse gases must be reduced, and reduced significantly, and he intends to make it legally binding. You can hear what the killjoys have to say can’t you? It can’t be done.

Some of our people were saying that to Our Leader, back home, about the Millenium Project at Greenwich, and about the great dome designed by Our Leader’s friend, the great modern architect Lord Rogers. That old buffoon Prescott tried saying this at a Cabinet meeting. "It’s all very well having a big tourist attraction at Greenwich" he said. But where’s the money coming from? That’s what I want to know we've promised to spend money on schools and hospitals, and we’ve got our commitment to the pensioners. Before he had finished speaking, Peter Mandelson had paged Our Leader with the following statement: Put a hard hat on Prescott’s head, take him down to the building site at Greenwich and announce: John Prescott wholeheartedly endorses the Leader’s decision to spend %580 million on the Millenium site. This is a hugely important moment in our history, our chance to show the world that Britain can do things bigger and better than anyone else. What are we celebrating in this millenium? It’s 2000 years since the First Moderniser, wearing a check shirt and jeans, and smiling to the multitudes, came down to a sleepy little one-horse town called Planet Earth. People said it could not change. Some of the cynics said he commanded the wind and the waves (which was their equivalent of global warming ) because he could not stop the Zealots (or the IRA ) committing atrocities. But Christians believe that one young man with his kindly smile, in fact, changed everything. The Moaning Minnies, the Prescotts’ and the Judases, said "What about the poor?" But, Jesus, you know, talked tough on this one. He said: Look you are always going to have the poor. But we’re not just looking to next week or next year. We’re looking from here to Eternity. And that’s why we are building this dome. It was said of another great leader once that he found Rome brick and left it marble. Well, Our Leader found Greenwich an empty building site, and he’s gonna leave it 580 million pounds worth of gleaming plastic. Shine, Jesus, shine.